Thoughts And Trivia

We do face people with whom we find it difficult to deal. May be we are ourselves difficult person to deal with! ;-)
How to deal with persons we are having difficulties in social/business interactions:- here is the cheat-sheet:
1. Have an inner dialogue (I-D). The attempt by him/her is to put you in a non-rational frame of mind - to numb you with high-emotions so that you are not able to think. Therefore deliberately think and have an internal dialogue - give yourself a pep-talk - "I am not going to get cowed down here!". What is he saying? What are the issues involved?
2 Keep to basics (B's). Do not get drawn into tangential supplementary issues. Point out the basic issues. Insist on not getting into peripheral issues. Point out this is not appropriate to discuss "Always" - stick to the immediate provocation. (e.g. You are 'always' late for appointments! Let him/her state are you late this time? Other past instances are not being discussed.) Step 1 above, Inner Dialogue should help you think what is the basics here.
If he/she comes down to basics and if you are at mistake accept it! You need not explain in detail how this happened, instead promise that you will not commit such mistakes in future. Express (with self-respect) regret at the inconvenience caused.
3 State feelings , opinions, beliefs (F-O-B). You have right to express how you are feeling in this transaction (I am feeling being unfairly treated.). State your opinions freely. Express what you believe is involved. BUT BUT please stick to basics, do not fly into tangential - do not step up emotional temperature.
4 Be not a party to dis-assertiveness, state your needs and wants (D-N-W). Resolve during the internal dialogue that you are not going to be a party to dis-assertiveness. I will not accept unfairness towards me!. State your Needs and wants clearly: (I need to be given time to work on this report. I need to be given such & such resources if this result is required. I want that I may not be please treated discourteously.)

Well this needs to be practiced. Practice the opposite party role also. Get unfairly tough on somebody and see how he handles it ;-). Explain it off after its over. Keep a printed slip with following in your purse:
1 (I-D) Have an inner dialogue
2 (B's) Keep to basics
3 (F-O-B) State feelings , opinions, beliefs
4 (D-N-W) Be not a party to dis-assertiveness, state needs, wants

Did you find it useful! Do you have better strategies? Please leave comments!!!

Posted by Girish Bhatnagar at Saturday, August 02, 2008