Thoughts And Trivia

But How do We know our "Swadharma". I have found that there is no easy answers. But its not difficult. Be alert and be introspective. Be vigilant of your own feelings.
"Swadharma"is easily idenfied as that work that gives you most pleasure and fulfilment. The one you want to do again and again.
But it cannot be physical pleasures - eating etc. It will mostly be connected with people directly or indirectly.
It could be creation of physical assets for some? Like buildings, bridges etc. But indirectly its because of Humans that will benefit by it.
Even Big tycoons who earn money for themselves - actually serve humanity by creation of wealth for others by trickle down effects.
So what is your Swadharma? Have you fealt that glow of satisfaction after doing somework other than physical pleasures?

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Indian society had and still has insidious stratification based on caste groups. Originally these caste groups started out as work-guilds. A group of carpenters - for example interacted and lived together for professional reasons. Opportunities and mobility being restricted, generations after generations took up jobs of their ancestors. Thus the work-guilds crystallized into water-tight caste groups. A child was condemned (or blessed - in the case of upper castes) to follow family calling. Even modern day professions had their own entrapment for children. I, even in 20th century was destined to become a Railwayman - almost as a karma of birth in a Railway Family....

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As I wrote in an earlier post, I took voluntary retirement from my Job as a CEO (General Manager) of a Railway Zone of Indian Railways. I had anticipated the emotional turmoil and the insecurities of a work-less future, but the events were much more heart wrenching than I had anticipated. I could barely manage to not to cry openly in Public. In retrospect I feel I should have let the tears flow..
Let me start with the defining moment of my last day in office.
The build-up upto that day had left me physically and emotionally tired. A month of leave-taking farewell parties had already taken its toll on my digestive system. A big deficit of sleep had accumulated over a few weeks. It has been a tenet of self-discipline with me, that I should always retain enough physical and mental reserves, needed for any unexpected emergencies like - accidents and other mishaps that are the professional hazards of the job.
But that day (3rd July 2009) I was not in such a condition. I could not sleep despite a pill. (A Hindi film dialogue says: "Sleep, my dear, is not a daily affair"). Before leaving for office, my wife and I stood in the temple at home and prayed to God and our Parents. I told her that, what we are leaving behind was never ours. We were tenants here and it’s the attachment that had developed - which is causing us the pain. Let’s move-on and not look back over the shoulders.
Office was as hectic as any normal day. There was backlog of paperwork that I could not leave for my successor. Then suddenly people started trooping into my office room at 5pm. It was the last farewell. There were even 5 divisional heads and their teams on video-conference. Suddenly, all too soon, the formalities were over and I was ushered out of my room. Used to giving orders in that room, that day I complied to the dictates like a child. From the beginning of the scene I had become emotionally numb.
I had imagined that when I leave office, I will try to look back from the door at the scene of last two and half years of cheers and tears. I will try to burn an image good enough for rest of life. But it was not to be. Like a person in trance, I was moved out by a tidal wave of crowd that had gathered. Events had gathered a momentum of their own. A part of me rebelled and wrestled with the flow of events. It did not want to go. I realized my full persona was not united in my decision to leave my Job prematurely – it was more an intellectual decision.
The scene in the lobby below was much more sombre. People were lined in large crowds to bid farewell in traditional way - with garlands and handshakes. There was also a band playing cacophonic film songs. Soon I was lead into my usual seat in the car. But it was very unusual. By now tears were welling up in my eyes. I controlled them with all my strength. There were people all over office complex. On all balconies and even on the roof. I had truly loved all Railwaymen who worked with me and had developed deep emotional bonds, but I had not known its reciprocation. Soon the car gathered speed and I realized that it’s all over. I will never get a chance to look back. I should have allowed my emotions the cathartic luxury of sobbing at the end of one world and entry into after-world.
It was not unlike real death and soul's journey beyond. I could experience, how my soul will get tortured on my death by the attachments. Even there, part of me will never like to go. But there I will be able to sob without anybody noticing or hearing.

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Warmth of relationships; Most loved people
Are not always sublime,
You realize God sent you alone to this world,
Its such Time - not unlike
The red-hot steel under the forging hammer
Gold assayed in fire,
Clothes through the wringer,
Its not how go through it all,
Screaming, cussing, blaming God
Its how you come out that matters -
Stronger, brighter and cleaner.
Its all in how you look at the world
Without colouring your perception with hurt
Without burdening others with your load,
Without wanton violence,
Without blaming everybody else.
Showering all love & care
On the most important person on Earth
That's you yourself, none other!
Go out treat yourself to -
Ice-cream & chocolate
Fried Chicken and steaming soup
A costly dress, a lovely accessory.
Like everything else it will also come to pass.
This will gift you a fresh new perspective
iron out the erroneous zones in personality
You will be tougher, more lovable
Thats how you will come out of the wringer
(To be refined)

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In physics most of the equations have a large number of terms. For ease of computations we ignoring less significant terms. Moreover in a phenomenon we ignore minor effects of weaker forces - for example when we study mechanics of two moving stones, we ignore the insignificant gravitational attraction between the stones.
If this is not done it would be impossible to learn or teach physics - at all. These approximations do not take away the validity of the conclusions arrived at.
Similar is the model of life that we as a child, are handed down.
Its only a rough guide to life.
As we grow we learn the many nuances which do not jell with what we had been taught. Like:-

• Honesty is not the least cost alternative.
• The meek do not inherit the earth.
• Cheating may be profitable many times.
• Truth does not always triumph.

But as a rough guide to living - what we are handed down is superb and the nuanced exceptions discovered by us do not negate the essence of rough guide.

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Humans are driven by four basic quests - which determine our whole behaviour. I have alluded to these earlier also but here are they in nut-shell!!!!

1. What am I?
2. Where am I? How do I fit in here?
3. Why am I here, what am I supposed to do here?
4. How can I ensure survival of my genes over the generations?

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We all think ourselves to be very simple beings, while others are complex, difficult and devious. The whole world is at fault, not me - is the normal assumption. Am I an easy person to live with?

I do realise that I am perhaps quite a difficult and irritating person up close. Main reason is that I am perhaps out of synch with the world and people around me. Firstly, physically, I am too short, wispy thin, bald with a dome-like head - nothing, but nothing worth a second glance. I like clowning acts, before children in particular. My physical presentation is like one of these clowning acts - meant to amuse or tease others. I take an impish delight in it.
I occupy myself most of the time with solitary pursuits - that leaves others out. Who will be interested in Quantum Mechanics, Particle Physics, Computers etc.
Entertainment like Movies, Shows, Eating out etc I do not do often - I get bored too soon.
But then there must be some good in me - that my wife has borne with me for last 30 years!!!
That does not dilute the fact that I am a difficult person to be up-close. Do I take a wry delight in this also?? HA! HA! gotcha.

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Slogan written under India's Official Symbol of three Lions, is in Sanskrit Language:
"Tamso Maa Jyotirgamya". This is a prayer to God to "Take (guide) me from Darkness (ignorance)towards Light (enlightenment). But I find the reverse journey very exhilarating."

I go for a walk every morning to a botanical park by the sea-side. The pathway is shielded by dense trees. This seclusion gives a sense of being shielded from daily humdrum life. But, of course you are in the company of scores of familiar faces of regulars.
Recent floods in Mumbai, left the electrical cables damaged in the park. Now it has no lights in the evening. They still allow you to take walk up to 7:30 pm. By 6:45 pm its already dark.
I find walk in evening from 6:30 pm to 7:30 pm as almost a spiritual experience. There is only faint stray light. One walks aided by the habitual knowledge of the twists and turns of the pathway. The feeling of seclusion from everyday life is now total, since one can't even see the familiar faces of regulars. Dark shilhouette and faint patterns of lights on the ground create a heightened sense of surrealism.
One is all to oneself - in a totally unreal, weird, unfamiliar setting - this is the key to reach an uncommon mental state.(please see my post on gaining consciousness after being put under anesthesia)
One savours the present moment cocooned in the darkness. Its almost like meditating. Its now easier to defocus the past. What has happened in past is not by any hidden design. All that happens is just a random happening - to be accepted as such, not part of any trend or design. With these thoughts one gets magnanimous towards people around you - and not be anxious of what may happen in future. The more you are with such thoughts the more one clings to the present moment. Its a exhilarating spiral descent into self.
Its the journey back from garden through bright city-lights that is physically "Tamso Maa Jyotirgamya". But it is in the darkness of the park, that I am guided from ignorance to enlightenment. I wait until dark to get it!

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Maybe due to some psychological programming, we fail to notice the human side of authority figures like - Parents, Teachers, Police Officers and of course Bosses. As we plod towards our own grave, each new experience could help us understand, more and more the Human, that our Father was. And that would help us understand the Human inside us!
(Substitute "Parents" for "Father", if you like).
It is when, we have the first look at our first child, in the hospital crib, that we understand the basis of the love our Father had for us. That way we can better understand our own bonding with this bundle of our own flesh.
As we go through the growth of our children, we can understand why our Father was so restraining to our activities (Don't, Don't, Don't) - his fears of us getting hurt. We can let our children out a bit more, due to this understanding of fears of our father. We can say 'yes go ahead' and wince and pray to GOD for their protection.
(On the other hand, understanding children is much easier, since we have gone through the same set of fears and emotions when we were their age.)
As we and our spouse grow up over years of marriage, we can realise the feelings of our Father as a man. We can now understand, why he many times mistreated our mother - as we saw it. It can help us to be more forbearing about the 'all-to-human' frailties, of the human, that our spouse is - as she does for ours.
It is difficult to come to terms with the realisation that Father was as much a human of flesh and blood, as we ourselves - not a mere card-board cut-out figure.
He lead a human life of his own - which to him was the main drama-stage of life. As ours is to us and our children's is to them and our spouse's to her. All feel that the rest of the characters are there to play a role in our drama-stage - only a little better than the stage props.
We feel cheated, if we realise that, role players in our lives, on the sly, also have a drama-stage of their own - in which we are only a bit-role-player - no more. Why do they have to "two-time" us in my Drama-stage and work as Hero in another Drama Stage of their own -much like a Boss learning of moon-shining by a subordinate.
We are now able to withstand the fears that made father err. Yes, now we empathise with his rights and wrongs, so much, that we need to look into mirror to separate us from him - even then sometimes the resemblance is too close.

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Many of us have or would face depressing and unnerving situations, which arrive like a bolt from blue, without rhyme or reason. Such events normally do not come alone, but may pile up, one upon another - raising a specter of a life full of holocaust. How can one maintain one's sanity in such situations?

Near the event, things look to be grossly worse than they actually are. Stick to basics and facts of the events.

Don't:-

• concentrate on emotions, pain, suffering.


• spout philosophy.


• blame others or circumstances.


• try to find your own faults which lead to it.


• try to spy out the motives of your tormentors.


• try to figure out cause and effect chain leading to the event.


• think of revenge - this thought will pull you deeper into abyss. Forget and forgive is for saints - impractical. Just put away the person or event, for the time being.

Discard the baggage of your religion (Hinduism for me) relating to above mentioned aspects. Religion is meant to give you a guilt feeling.

Spell out (or better write down), your feelings, beliefs, opinions.

Be stubborn, do not be a party to any dis-assertiveness or disrespect to you. Standup for yourself.

Finally write down what you need or want at the present moment, to put the event behind you.

Then go ahead and have a quite inner dialogue or meditate or pray if you like.

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Religion has become a source of hatred all around the world. To stop this we have to understand why Godly Religion generates so much hate and passion.
As I said, strong identity with ones Religion and believing it to be the best and the "Other" religions to be Pagan, Dumb or worse, arises out of basic Human Psyche. Humans are born without an owners manual. The question that stares us in face is : "Who are we". To answer that people form identity groups. There is a matrix of overlapping groups to which one belongs. I am an Indian, A brown skinned male, Hindu, Son and sibling of a family group, husband and father of another family group, an Engineer, Alumni of IIT, A Railway Manager etc. etc. To heighten this sense of belonging I eulogise qualities of my groups and find faults with the "Other" groups.
That is why it pays me psychologically if I think that Hinduism is the best religion and think that other religions are not as good.
But if we understand the basis of this mind-set, it will be easy for me to think that other Religions are also great and Godly and righteousness isn't a prerogative of my religion alone. I can look at people of other religions and feel an empathy instead of a separation from them.
Can this be spread to reduce the present hatred all-around.
PS: Hi I am back after two months. Thanks for visiting this site.

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So once again lets ask: "Who am I?"
Uptill now in earlier posts we have argued that:-

• We are here to contribute towards the exploration of Knowledge and of the Universe.
• Implanted in our brains, the Trojan viruses, of survival instinct and the passion for mating, facilitate continuity and refinement of genes for this task.
• Lets take the bricks-and-mortar world as the only reality.
• Lets explore the reality, with the approach of Riemann's Geometry, deciphering the world with each step physically taken by us - and not rely on any handed down world-view, as in the omniscient approach of Euclid's Geometry.

Lets not get ensnared, into our various religious hand-me-downs - soul, sin, morals. Our ancestors who wrote these, were even less sure of reality, than we are, since we do stand on the high ground of knowledge, gathered by these ancestors. They are more likely to have erred in their basic assumptions, on which most of their world-view is based. Strongest of citadels built over foundations of sand, will crash out one day or the other - sooner, than later.
Mahatma Gandhi, once, removed and retained the paper-clip from a verbose and pretentious letter, by a big-wig, and threw the letter, in the dust-bin. Mahatma explained with an impish smile that, he has retained whatever was of merit, in the letter. Our approach in assimilating hand-me-down world-view, should also be similar.
I would therefore, not go in search of anything more than, this bag of skin, containing arthritic bones called empirically "Girish Bhatnagar" - when I want to know "Who am I?". This is a wrong questions. Wisdom lies, not in giving intelligent answers, but in avoiding wrong questions!
In rejection of soul, morals and other religious commandments, I am not advocating negation of these virtues. Honesty and Morality are based on other tangible considerations, which I recommend, instead of merely religious grounds. I am not advocating desertion of religion either. That's an individual choice.

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A good engineer should be able to 'Saw with a file and File with a Saw'. But that would be really inefficient. For best results, use saw for sawing and file for filing.
As concluded earlier, the main reason 'What we are here for?' is to take human knowledge and exploration of our universe further.
But each one still contributes, in many other ways, even if not directly involved, in pushing forward frontiers of knowledge.
I still have to worry about my individual role in this human quest. Am I a 'file' trying to 'saw' a log of wood?
The best way is to discover it, over a period, in our life. Try doing variety of things and be alert to signals of enjoyment and pleasure, in doing certain things. Work, that gives us an emotional high, is 'Our Cosmic Work'. This is the work 'What I am individually here for?'. Basic survival (eating, money hoarding) or mating etc don't count - but wealth creation could.
We should discover 'Our Cosmic Work' and do it as much as possible - even if we have to do something else, simultaneously, to bring home the bacon. This Cosmic Work - may be more than one and may be different during various stages of life. So we have to be on constant alert, for increasing/decreasing trends of pleasure, while doing familiar or new work. A painter who no longer feels inspired, should go and search, for his new Cosmic Work.
What are you waiting for? Go and discover your Cosmic Work!
Next time we go back to 'Who am I?'.

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If posts are a ton of milk - exerpts from these, are like a few pounds of cheese, culled from that milk. These reflect the essence, of what I am submitting, for your consideration.

• A good engineer should be able to 'Saw with a file and File with a Saw'.


• Work, that gives me an emotional high, is 'My Cosmic Work'. This is the work 'What I am individually here for?'.


• We like an ant on a football don't know who we are, why we are there on this globe, and what is the globe made of, what are the processes acting on this globe.


• One oriental concept is that we all have a soul (Aatmaan). The soul is only a part of larger entity - the super-soul (Param-Aatmaan). God is nothing but this super-soul. All souls are linked to each other and form a whole. Budhism takes it further to propound that there is no division between our soul and the God's super-soul - its only one entitity. Eh! an internet of Souls.


• My religion (Hinduism) says that all this world is an illusion. But if I bang my head on the illusive wall I get severe non-illusive pain in my illusive head. No! Even if it might be a world of illusion - that illusion is for Gods. For us humans this world is a brick and mortar world.


• More than passing down of genes, its this passing down and further accumulation of knowledge - generation after generation - that is the essence of "What are we here for?".


• We are just envelops of the message of genes - where the envelop itself is the message.


• All literature and Arts arise from the quest of humans to understand just two questions, in the absence of an operation manual from GOD:


• Who am I?


• Why am I here?


• Exceptional creativity arises at the boudries between normalcy and insanity.


• Having too much money/ Power /beauty could be a fatal disease.


• There has been too much back and forth mating between the Peoples that Race and Ethnicity has no Biological basis.


• Differences between the Races are much less than variations within the Race.


• I had dived 80 fathoms below conscious and touched the real tenant of my body. He is real sport and much more child-like and happy, than I am.


• But the urge to mate and procreate is so altruistic that I suspect that this is a Trojan virus that has hijacked our psyche by some aliens.... And how ludicrous, funny and laughable this rub-and-tinkle thing is mating. It looks fishy. I feel we have been enslaved by some Virus into this anti-selfish urge.


• Even if I don't realise, all my emotional reactions are based on a world-view acquired mostly as a child.... it is very manipulative of us....Most of our grief as adults arises from this world-view.

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We like an ant on a football don't know who we are, why we are there on this globe, and what is the globe made of, what are the processes acting on this globe.

Millions of generations of accumulated wisdom of ants may develop a world view of the football:
-that its made of leather pieces sewn together
-has an internal bladder the penile spout which is tied up with string-its overinflated with air
-its prone to sudden kicks; flights in air and sudden landing and bouncing on ground
-some GOD like beings get pleasure in kicking it or making it fly.
The new generation may dispute this World-view and say that the world has changed.-It no longer is made of leather but of synthetic material.
-It no longer has internal bladder because the penile spout is no longer there instead a neat little hole is there
-they may even blame the disappearance on the polluting practices of certain ants-rest of ancient world
-view still holds.
Einstein was also faced with something similar when he propounded the Theory of General Relativity where the space-time continuum develops a curvature in the presence of heavy material objects. To describe these curvatures he used Riemann's Geometry.
Riemann Geometry was quite old and quaint not much known or of not much use till then. Unlike Euclidean Geometry it dealt with finding the geometry of a surface by taking small steps over a the surface. Say an ant walking over the surface of the football taking measurements after each step. With Riemann Geometry the ant can develop an equation describing the spherical ball with its seams and patches. The ant need not start a-priory with any world view of the football.With Riemann Geometry the ant need not take as gospel truth the unverified world-view handed down by its parents and society. It develops the world-view as it goes along step by step based on what it actually sees with its own eyes.
So we should discard the world-view handed down to us. Go along developing your own world-view from what your eyes see.
Euclidean geometry is from the perspective of all-seeing God above us. Riemann Geometry is for us Humans with limited perceptions.

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One oriental concept is that we all have a soul (Aatmaan). The soul is only a part of larger entity - the super-soul (Param-Aatmaan). God is nothing but this super-soul. All souls are linked to each other and form a whole. Budhism takes it further to propound that there is no division between our soul and the God's super-soul - its only one entitity. Eh! an internet of Souls.
How similar to my concept of sub-space entities. Soul is akin to a sub-space particle. All sub-space particles are in touch with each other in a time-less distance-less continuuam. All these sub-space particles form a whole space. All space only a singularity in time-space continuum.
Visit My Other Blog.

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Does nothing really matters in life. My religion (Hinduism) says that all this world is an illusion. But if I bang my head on the illusive wall I get severe non-illusive pain in my illusive head. No! Even if it might be a world of illusion - that illusion is for Gods. For us humans this world is a brick and mortar world.
In real-life I would believe only what I see - no far-fetched concepts for me. Real-life is WYSIWYG (what-you-see-is-what-you-get).
So would I in science!

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Even to persons averse to rituals, like me, the scene of the evening worship at the city of Haridwar (= The gateway to God) on the Ganges, is a poignant moment. It sends a gooseflesh shiver down my spine.
Every evening, the goddess of Ganges is worshiped, at the banks of this river in Haridwar . During the worship, thousands of floating lamps in leaf boats are launched into the night, on the Ganges. Your heart starts thumping with excitement, to the rising crescendo of chants and cacophonic sounds of gongs. Thousands of floating, flickering lights hold you hypnotised. The mixture of serenity and heightened emotional tension leaves you shivering.
Click to see the Site
I would avoid, going out on a limb. I would not explain, why I think that main reason of "What are we here for?" is as follows:-
Imagine the knowledge accumulated by Human race over past 3000 years. The knowledge is so vast and diverse - that no human generation could have gathered it in its lifetime.

More than passing down of genes, its this passing down and further accumulation of knowledge - generation after generation - that is the essence of "What are we here for?".

We are like the thousands of floating lamps launched on the Ganges, to explore that vast river. We are part of that millenniums long project, to gather knowledge and understand the universe.
The urges to survive and mate, merely, are a mechanism of ensuring continuity of this knowledge gathering, accumulation and passing down. Selection of best genes to pass on, is meant to refine, the knowledge gathering capabilities of future generations. It would make Humans morons and humourless, if this mission was known to them, ab-initio, through an operations manual for Humans.
It is not that the lives of those, who do not help to take further, the sum total of universal knowledge, are of no avail. Like in a corporate mission, all persons in different roles in the organisation are equally important - as much as direct production or the marketing people.
Who created this grandiose scheme of Human continuity to understand an infinite world? Who seeded our brains with the Trojan viruses of survival and gene-passing? I would not like to go into that mine-field!
But I am ready to do an iteration. Having failed in understanding "Who Am I?", we turned to "What are we here for?" and succeeded. Lets go back to "Who am I?", with this knowledge. Can we now tackle it successfully?

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Having failed to answer the question - Who Am I? Can I answer What Am I here for?
The genes I carry are a net result of a sequence thousands of passionate matings - since the mitochondrial eve - Lucy ate the apple. These matings were a result of a deep seated insane command in human brain, to shuffle one's own genes with best possible genes accessible.
How many matings. It is estimated that there were 6,000 to 10,000 generations between us and the "Mother of all Mothers" - Lucy of Africa.
And if my genes are analysed - besides the Caucasian genes of North Indians, there may be traces from South Indian - Dravids, Locals Aborignals, African people, Middle-eastern people, Huns/Mangols. One wonders at the veritable melting pot of genetic material. More than the genes, I carry the same insane command to pass on these genes - shuffled with best possible genes.
To pass on genes - one has to survive. Therefore urge for self-preservation should be more basic. But given the two urges - many time urge to survive is risked - a woman's pregnancy threatens her survival.
We are just envelops of the message of genes - where the envelop itself is the message.
Is this robotic command the main thing we are here for?
I Hope not!
I think Not!
Is there some other job that is more important and more basic to 'Why we are here for'? Till Next Post!

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Even moderately complex equipments come with an operation manual, warranty card and maintenance support centers. But we Humans come to the world without an official operations manual, nor any warranty and nor any maintenance support. Oh! Dear GOD why did you play this trick on us?
All literature and Arts arise from the quest of humans to understand just two questions, in the absence of an operation manual from GOD:

• Who am I?
• Why am I here?

We try to the answer the fist question by pigeon-holing ourselves. We attach ourselves to various groups to define - who we are? I am a male; Indian; a non-functional Hindu; a branch in a family genealogy; member of a caste/tribe/race; alumnus of a college; employee of an organization; and so on...? To forge and sustain these identities we extol the virtues of me-groups and denigrate the not-me groups. We see not-me groups as evil and foul - and me-groups as pious and virtuous. This is the main reason for so much hatred in the world.
But by this hiding behind group identities, we mask and fudge the question - who am I? The question still remains unanswered? My groups do not define me - I must find the answer elsewhere.
Or perhaps accept that the question may not have an answer.
Lets smile and appreciate the not-me groups - they are just as lost and orphaned as me!!
Can I console myself, that I can at least answer the second question - Why am I here? See you Next Time!

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